I'm not saying that these types of these things have changed us for the better, but I do believe that there was something to be learned from every terrible situation. If you touch the pan on the stove and it's hot, I doubt that you'll touch it again. However, there are the people that never learn from their own mistakes. Even rats can catch on to this kind of reasoning faster than I've seen some humans do it. I'll admit, I've grabbed the pan a few too many times in my day. I won't deny that I've made some mistakes, but I can say that I've learned from them.
As a female I can say, our brain is a tricky, conniving bastard. There are times when it overlooks unacceptable and unpardonable things for all the wrong reasons. 'Love' can really screw you up. I put it in quotations because what i'm referring to is not love. It's the insipid grasping at the concept that we are hard-wired to make as females with every potential male that comes our way. There's this instinct in us that tells us even though he doesn't call us his girlfriend or hold your hand in front of his friends, that, deep down, SOMEWHERE he really does love you and he just doesn't know it yet. I mean, how couldn't he love me? I'm awesome, the perfect 'girlfriend'... but no one can know. Sure, he does little things for you every once in a while and calls you 'babe,' but does that really make up for the emotional distance that he's put between you? Can that justify the leash he's leading you on? He's only keeping you away so he can slip out the back door to snatch up the next unknowing victim when she comes along. I know you think he's different. He's not. He'd be proud to call you his girlfriend and take you to dinner and listen to you instead of being buried in the Xbox. I promise.
However, there is an up-side to all of this. Along the way through all of these bad romances, we learn what we need in a good one. Not all aspects of the poor relationships are bad and we learn from one another what to look for in the next one. Although you won't want to, you will compare them as new ones come along. You'll find new and exciting things that you never even knew you wanted. New relationships bring new perspectives, for both of you.
I can't guarantee perfection, but I'll strive for it. I can't erase the mistakes in my past or change the outcome of them. I can't avoid my occasional self doubt or cynicism. BUT, I will promise I won't look back, only forward. I won't judge for things others have done. I'll admit when I'm wrong and even when I'm crazy. If I should ever do something hurtful, I promise to apologize with all of my heart. I promise to love the best way I know how and to try to learn how to love even better with every day that passes.
j'ai aimé. j'ai souffert. et asteur, je recommence de nouveau.
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